Burlington's Anneliese Lawton is looking forward to Mother's Day this Sunday – but there were times when the mom of three young kids didn't feel like celebrating.
In fact, there were days when she thought about ending her life.
Lawton has three children, Jack, 6, Max, 5, and Abigail, 3. When her first son was born, breastfeeding was a challenge; he didn’t latch properly, and he didn’t sleep well. Thinking she was doing something wrong, she became more and more depressed. She pumped constantly for four months before finally “giving in” to formula. Eight months later, she found out she was pregnant again.
“I thought, how can I give two kids a good life, be a good mom, I can barely get through this,” she said.
Instead of getting simpler, life got more difficult and she ended up in pre-term labour at 30 weeks with her second son. Worse still, she had severe, crippling depression that continued after she came home with her second baby. During that time, she also had to have surgery after doctors discovered a tumour on her neck that had to be removed, possibly affecting her facial nerves. It was benign, but left her anxious for weeks.
“I hid in the closet, and I’m afraid of the dark, wondering if I was the best thing for my kids,” she said, noting she ran out of the house, “wanting to hurt myself. I felt rage, frustration and resentment about my experience. I felt like I didn’t want to be a mom and they’d be better off with someone else…someone who would be a better mom.”
Her husband of eight years, Dave, called for help immediately.
Fortunately, Lawton was connected to the St. Joseph’s Women’s Health Concerns Clinic, diagnosed with depression and placed on medication and enrolled in group therapy sessions.
Dr. Sheryl Green, psychologist and researcher at the Hamilton-based Women’s Health Concerns Clinic, specializes in maternal mental health. She says she treats anywhere from 1,000 to 1,200 women each year, providing everything from counselling to psychological treatment groups.
Lawton’s just one of many women affected; it’s estimated one in five women suffer PPD/anxiety, Dr. Green said. “Add those diagnoses together and being a mom makes everyday challenges nearly impossible.
“You’re supposed to be happy – that’s the picture social media has helped to create,” she said. “Yet it’s one of the most difficult jobs and difficult tasks you could possibly deal with: a woman’s body changes, there’s hormonal changes, add in sleep deprivation, anxiety and more and you’ve got a recipe for something.”
Lawton says the help she received – at no cost – at St. Joseph’s Women’s Health Concerns Clinic truly turned her life around entirely. So much so, that she enjoyed her last pregnancy and the infant moments with her daughter – a stark contrast to her experience with her two boys.
Lawton is thrilled to be this year’s “Champion” for the Shopper’s Drug Mart Run for Women taking place on Saturday, June 17 at Confederation Park, which will include with five and 10 km walk/run revents and 1 km event for children 12 and under.
“I’ll be walking, you all can run,” she laughed, adding she was once a champion runner in her elementary school days (and has the red ribbons to prove it). She participated in last year’s event alongside 2022 Champion Julie Cole, who is co-founder of Mabel’s Labels.
Lawton said the centre at St. Joseph's helped her enormously, including guiding her to make a decision while pregnant with her third child about whether to continue her medications. She was reassured by staff at the Women’s Health Clinic that it would be the best for herself, and her unborn child. And she’s glad she did, but she credits the programs with helping her get back on track.
Today, she’s found success by speaking to other new moms, and she has her first published book, Welcome to the Jungle, A Frantic Journey Through Motherhood and Self-Discovery.
In her book she writes “there’s a desperate loneliness in early motherhood that no one tells you about…days you wonder what happened to my life? what happened to me?”
It's hard to seek help
For the majority of people, a new baby is a time to celebrate and to look forward to and be happy about, says Dr. Green. But it’s not always a loving, happy mom, enjoying moments with her newborn.
Lawton said being a mom was something she had looked forward to her entire life so when she discovered the reality of it, and how it made her feel, it was a striking blow. She said it was also difficult to seek help.
“It felt embarrassing. I felt shame and I felt like I was a failure,” Lawton said.
That’s a familiar response from new moms, agreed Dr. Green.
“It’s a significant transition not just one aspect, every aspect from financial to lifestyle, to what we can do and what we can’t do, working full time, the relationship with our partner, now a team working tandem in a relationship,” Dr. Green said. “With change comes uncertainty and anxiety is going to be released, putting you in a low mood, a grieving of the previous lifestyle and not being able to do what you used to do.”
That resonates with Lawton, who has a postgraduate degree in environmental management and prior to the birth of her children worked in a successful career at Stantec Engineering as an environmental planner. She had experience with processing permits and applications for roadways and she was involved in the wind turbine project. But being a mom didn’t come with a manual, and she found the unpredictability made her new role even more difficult and tiring.
Dr. Green said it’s totally normal for women to feel exhausted and depressed following the birth of a child, considering what the body goes through.
“Consider all the physical changes; there’s a steady increase in hormones throughout the pregnancy, and a sudden drop as soon as the baby is born," she explained. "Those fluctuations are going to play a role in how we feel. There’s a lot of reasons for low mood and depression; anxiety is the disorder that’s overlooked. We’re changing that because we know that anxiety disorders are just as frequent if not more common.
Dr. Green said the Women’s Health Centre switched from in-person groups to online meetings during the pandemic, and they’ve remained that way. In September they’ll return to some in-person meetings, but she admits it’s sometimes easier for new moms to participate virtually.
“That’s kind of the reality with schedules and demands,” said Dr. Green, who is a mom to two daughers, ages 12 and 15. “Online is a lot more accessible, but with in-person, leaders get to hold babies. I love in person groups – there’s perks like that.”
But most importantly, whether remote or not, getting women to be get the treatment they need is what’s important. “It’s a big production getting yourself and baby ready,” she noted.
Connecting resources and women
Dr. Green is hoping to spread the word so that the entire team of people working with moms is in the loop.
“I’m hoping there is more content (about depression) in the prenatal with the family physicians, public health nurses, and all these team members," she said. "They can routinely check on mental health: is my patient in need or is this just the normal? We need that village – the community – to help women.
“As professionals, we have to know when a person’s anxiety or mood is significantly distressed. Is this low mood? Assess when it’s distressing to a significant level and it’s hanging around not just one or two days, it’s interfering in important roles.”
She said if someone is unable to go out and do things and pulling the covers over their heads, that’s not the norm.
Dr. Green is proud of the fact that the women in the Centre’s groups bond so well through commonalities.
“The women find it so important to participate significantly, being able to share with other women,” she said, adding it extends beyond the structured group settings afterwards. “That they are still going to connect is helpful. If I had a nickel for every Facebook group that has grown from this - it’s great.”
Dr. Green said the groups provide tools that women can go back to time and again. “Those strengths they’ve learned, they can use long after you finish – you can’t unlearn it.”
The clinic also offers booster sessions, allowing women to go back and pick themselves up again.
A doctor’s referral is not required to participate in the clinics, and they're open to any Ontario resident, noted Dr. Green.
“The clinic at Women’s Health has always been the only clinic that you can self refer,” she said. “If you’re able to come, we will accept you (from Ontario).”
Dr. Green, who’s been doing this for 17 years, said it’s a privilege to work with these women. “We are changing the trajectory for them and their families. I get more and more excited as years go by to develop the program and see it trickle down to the family’s wellness and the baby’s wellness.”
Lawton said she only has one regret now: not getting help sooner.
“Post-partum depression is a life-threatening illness," she says. "I thought about it a lot. I remember when Kate Spade died and I recall thinking, ‘What is the breaking point?'”
Fortunately, she doesn’t have to wonder that any longer. She said she can’t wait to cross the finish line of this year’s Run for Women, knowing her family and friends will be there to cheer her on. She truly feels like a champion and like a mom – a good mom, an author, a public speaker and a mental health advocate.